Hear Me Now

In that instance where He calls me "son" I am aware that He is my Father. For me this is an action, for Him it is simply His character. The act I do, my response, is a reply to His Person, His Spirit, His love that is within me. When He moves, I move, and so I must move. My movement my faith is the moment of realization, I am not, and He is. I betray my own right, except to call myself son, and Him Father. Because I am not my own father, it is useless for me to try and awaken a recognition of Him by simply calling myself son in the hollow of my own silence. My own voice only rouses a dead echo when it calls out to itself. There is no awakening in me, unless I am called out of the darkness by Him who is light. Only He who is life is able to raise the dead. And unless He names me son, I remain dead, and my silence is the silence of death. But when He speaks my name, that interior devastation, that silence becomes life and I know I am, because He is. There is no longer a dead echo, but a triumphant voice of life. My life is always listening, His is always speaking. My salvation is in this, hearing and responding. So this silence is my very salvation. Interior silence is impossible without mercy, grace, and my part, humility.

Colossians 2:6-7

Just as you have received so walk. Do you remember the passion and zeal with which you accepted God’s grace? That moment you realized you had no hope, but hope was already there for you? The determination with which we ran towards God. The initial reaction, the spark that exploded and changed our whole lives. We knew miracles were possible because in that moment we received the miracle of forgiveness. This is how we received. All else pales in comparison to this beautiful and priceless gift. But with each step we take away from that moment we tend to let it fade. It becomes not a motivator, but a memory. The greatest occurrence in our lives becomes a footnote instead of the love story of our lives. It is not we once were and now are; but we have started and must continue. We can not forget that first moment anymore than the leaves of the redwood can forsake their roots. In, through, and by the roots life has come to the whole tree. Foundation is immediately followed by growth; they must not, can not, be separated. And growth must be pursed like salvation was. Like our very lives depend on it. I have been rooted but must not tire of being built up. No it must be passionately pursued at all costs, less our roots be in vane.

Time to blog again

What does it mean to know and experience my own "nothingness"? It is not enough to turn away in disgust from my illusions and faults and mistakes, to separate myself from them as if they were not there, as if I was someone other than myself. This self-annihilation is a worse illusion than the rest, because it is a pretend humility which in saying, "I am nothing" means in effect, "I wish I were not what I am". This comes from an experience of all of our failings, all of our deficiencies and an acknowledgement of our helplessness, but that does not alone produce any peace. To really know our nothingness…we must love it. But we can not love it, unless we come to terms with it, accept it as our own. That only comes from what I can only describe as a supernatural experience of our complete dependency, understanding we exist only as far as we accept our humility that loves and prizes that fact that we are morally helpless before God. Completely and utterly. To love our nothingness in this way we must divorce ourselves from all that is not us. We must see and admit that it is all ours and that it is all good. Good in that our nothingness reflects God's "everythingness"; good since our deficiencies. Our helplessness, our complete moral and spiritual bankruptcy attract the mercy of God. To love our nothingness we must love ourselves. Knowing that we have nothing we must not be afraid to beg God who has all. The proud love their "self sufficiency" in their own eyes. The humble love their very inadequacies. The more we are content with our own poverty, the closer we are to God, because then and only then can we accept our poverty in peace, expecting nothing from ourselves, and absolutely EVERYTHING from God. "May all your expectations be frustrated. May all your plans be thwarted. May all of your desires be withered into nothingness. That you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child and sing and dance in the love of God the Father, the Son, and the Spirit." - Henri Nouwen

Life is shaped by the end you live for….